I understand that an organization that produces as muchcontent as you do will, occasionally, produce something impressively tone-deaf (see Alessandra Stanley's piece about Shonda Rhimes last September). But for the most part, I love your paper. I read it daily. I get it on my Kindle and my iPhone, just in case I'm jonesing for some news and one of my gadgets isn't available. Reading the Sunday Times is probably the only ritual I've performed for over twenty years.
Imagine my glee when I saw "9 Kisses," in this Sunday's (12-14-14) edition: a movie that promised to show me 9 short films, each one featuring a kiss between two great actors from the last year in movies.
I like kissing. I like movie stars. This'll be fun, I thought.
Each kiss hits a different note, and the piece is successful as a whole, on an aesthetic level, because of the gamut it runs. In their stolen kiss outside a costume party, Reese Witherspoon and Benedict Cumberbatch show us how furtiveness ups a kiss's sexiness like nothing else. The unexpected passion of Laura Dern and Steve Carrell's lip-lock is used to great comedic effect. When Shailene Woodley kisses her trainer Jack O'Connell after accidentally punching him in the face, something unexpected bubbles between them, a surprise that reveals a world underneath. Each kiss in each of the short films has a definitive, unique tone.
Which is why I find it so incredibly offensive for the only guy-on-guy kiss in this piece to be a desparate ploy, between David Oyelowo and Timothy Spall (4:50 - 5:35).
I encourage the readers to watch all eight minutes of the movie (video box at the top of this blog, or click here) - it's quite enjoyable, for the most part. Here's the synopsis: David Oyelowo and Timothy Spall are in a saloon, arm-wrestling. It looks like David Oyelowo (younger, stronger) is going to win, but then that rascal Timothy Spall kisses his opponent (on the lips, no less!), distracting him and giving Timothy Spall the edge he needs to win.
This kiss is aggressively anti-romantic. It is a tactic between two real guys partaking in a macho activity, something so butch that it eliminates the possibility that either one of them might be actual homosexuals. Don't worry - your movie tells its viewers - not only is the guy-on-guy kiss de-sexualized as much as possible (it's also the shortest kiss in the flick), none of the characters in this movie are gay men.
And I think this is really at the heart of why I think your film sucks, New York Times: you were too cowardly to dare to show what a real kiss between two men looks like. The girl-on-girl action (Jenny Slate & Rosario Dawson, 2:15 - 3:00) is sexy, joyous and full of love. And I get it - from before we are conscious of sex, we're taught to think that lesbians are sexy while fags are scary. But this film has an opportunity to combat the nasty, latter part of that stereotype, to show some genuine warmth or romance or kindness between two men kissing. In failing to do so, you don't just eschew your responsibility: you perpetuate close-mindedness.
In the behind-the-scenes movie that accompanies "9 Kisses" (entitled, obviously enough, "The Making of 9 Kisses") director Elaine Constantine says that, "We decided it would be all public spaces at night." (1:20) Gay marriage is legal 35 states in the USA right now. Wouldn't a more powerful dramatic choice, let alone a less homophobic one, be creating a film where two men kiss after reciting wedding vows to each other, for example? Or what about a proposal. Getting down on one knee and proposing to my now-husband was the scariest moment of my life - full of dramatic possibility with infinite richness.
Instead, in depicting the kiss between two men as a desperate
ploy and last resort, you reinforce the idea that the only appropriate
response to kissing another man is to feel shame. Well, I think you and
the film's director, Elaine Constantine, are the ones who should feel
ashamed.
Or, better yet, do something about it. I dare you, New York Times and Elaine Constatine: get two great male actors from 2014 movies and create another 45 second film showing them kissing in any scenario that's not drenched in shame. Show me funny, show me touching, show me stupid. Show me anything. But don't show me shame. I grew up surrounded by it. I have to deal with looks and threats, still, when I hold my husband's hand in public. I have had enough shame.
To end on a what I hope is a positive, constructive note: here's a picture of me and my husband kissing at the end of our wedding ceremony. I thought I'd include it in the hope it might inspire you to see the gorgeous possibilities.
This post is going to be a cooking post.My last one was about getting gay
married.The one before that was
about getting my book published.I’m curious to find out which topic (work, love, food) gets the most
positive response from you, my eager readers.I hope your holiday season is choo-chooing along merrily and
that you haven’t killed or been killed by your relatives.I had a lovely three days in Central
Jerse with myfam, punctuated by
heavy board-game playing with my friends in Central Jerse who make my visits to the suburbs bearable: Billy Reeves, Christoper Parks and Chris Guild.I also saw THE HOBBIT, the first third
of which reminded me of an awkward Will & Grace episode, and the last two-thirds reminded me of ridiculous drek.But I digress. . .
Before I get into my recipe, I want to share the menu at
Tossini the night Rafael gave me my engagement ring.My sister, who is shocked by my audacity in using friends’
real names on this blog and asked that I refrain from using hers, pointed out
that I promised it in the last post but did not actually include it.So here goes:
Speaking of great eating, the centerpiece of the Barakiva Xmas dinner this year was a beautiful crown
roast of pork. My brother did the actual cooking, but I found the recipe, so I figure I can include it in my blog. It's from Melissa Clark's New York Times column.Here’s the link to the video
and recipe:
And here's a picture of my brother's final product:
It was hella delicious.
A Hearty Vegetarian
Breakfast
I'm including a very simple (although rather time-consuming) recipe in today's blog - something that I hope won't intimidate my non-cook friends and still stimulate the ones comfortable in the kitchen. It's one of my favorite breakfast recipes, a killer tofu scramble.I’m not someone who especially likes
tofu, so when I make something of that ilk,
it has to be rather extraordinary. If you're one of those vegan-types, just cut the cheese at the end and, voila, you're good.
Scrambled Tofu on mini-tortillas
When I was the resident director on DIRTY DANCING in Los Angeles, there
was this great diner (don’t ask me for the name – I have no memory of it, much
the way I have no memory of most things I did in LA) where I’d have breakfast
around the corner from the theater.They served up a pretty good tofu scramble, so I decided to come up with
one myself.The recipe I’m
presenting to you is the result of years of experimenting.
FLOUR IS THE DEVIL’S
WORK
It’s rather labor intensive, but since scrambled tofu keeps
for a few days (unlike, for example, scrambled eggs), I recommend making a big
batch and eating it intermittently over the course of the week. It’s also
delicious served over brown rice or wheat/spelt berries, or with tortillas (use
corn tortillas, which are de rigueur
in Central Mexico, where Rafael is from.Flour tortillas are more popular in the North, but Rafael and I look
down on them and the people who eat them, because he considers them less
authentic and I think flour is the devil’s work).
Like most great recipes (quiches, for example), you can
basically make this with anything you have lying around the house, so don’t
stress the individual ingredients.Use capers if you don’t have olives, or feta cheese if you don’t have
goat cheese.The only
important part is making sure to add the ingredients that require the longest
time to cook first, and proceed accordingly.
This recipe starts with chopping and onion – this is
probably the single most important kitchen skill a cook can have, since so many
recipes (savory especially) start like this.So, I’ve decided to dabble into multi-media and created some
very sophisticated video for this post, in which I demonstrate close-up (since
that’s the only way I could figure out to shoot this sequence with my iPhone)
how to slice, chop and mince an onion.
Tofu Scramble Recipe
INGREDIENTS
A few tablespoons olive oil
2 onions, sliced thin
1 or 2 chiles (Serrano works well if you can handle the
heat, but chipotle or something mellower is lovely, too)
1 or 2 containers of tofu (firm or extra firm are used
in savory cooking, soft or silky in dessert – again, don’t ask me why – this is
just the way of the world)
4-6 oz of mushrooms (those cheap white ones are fine,
or baby portabellas work well, too)
3 bell peppers (I like using different colors, but monochromatic
works)
A handful of olives (kalamata are my favorites with this,
but use whatever you have to give it some brininess )
4-6 oz of spinach
2 oz goat cheese, crumbled (or feta, or any
cheese, really)
WHAT TO DO
Bring a very very large skillet or pot or Dutch oven to
medium heat.Remember, we’re going
to be making enough for a few portions, so whip out the big guns here.When it’s hot, pour in the olive oil [MB1].Don’t be shy with the portion– this is
a very healthy dish without a lot of fat, so you can afford an extra
splash.
I slice the onions while the oil is heating, because I’m
lazy and hate having to prep. Once
the oil is hot but not smoking, throw the onions in.If it starts to make a sizzling sound, you’ll know you did
it right.If it doesn’t, you didn't.Then slice and
de-seed the chile [MB2]and
throw that in with the onion.
While the onions and chile cook, cube the tofu.The easiest way to do this is to do exactly what I demonstrate in the onion-cutting viedo: cut it
into horizontally (maybe two or three parallel cuts per block), then along it’s
length, then along it’s width.It should look something like this:
Once it’s cubed, you have two options.You can either smush the cubes in your hands, resulting in
something that looks like a scramble, or you throw it all in a large bowl and
use a potato masher to achieve the same effect.If you use your hands, you might want to wear gloves because
the tofu is really cold.What’s
important is that once you’re done with it, the tofu achieves the same
consistency as scrambled eggs.Throw the tofu in with the onions and chile, stirring it in.
While all of those cook, prep your mushrooms:cut off the bottom part of the stem, then run a paper towel
over their heads.[MB3] Once you’re
done cleaning them, slice them.
Throw the mushrooms in to the pot, bring the heat to high, then
cover for around five minutes, to force the mushrooms to release their
water.They don’t want to do it,
but you shouldn’t feel bad about making them.Then drop the heat back down to medium and remove the lid,
so the water cooks out of the dish – like with eggs, you don’t want the tofu
scramble to be wet or runny.
While the mushrooms are cooking, cut the bell peppers in
half, remove the seeds and tops, and cut them into the strips and then again
into squares, so they’re roughly the size of those little square pieces of gums
we used to get out of the machines.
Once the mushroom water has all evaporated, throw the
gum-sized pepper squares in with everything else.Your skillet/pot/Dutch even should be quite full by now, and
if you think things are sticking to the bottom, throw some more oil in.That always helps when things are
sticking to the bottom.
Give the scramble a good stir and then throw in the olives,
chopped up a bit, obviously sans pits.Give everything a few more minutes for the flavors to blend, then throw
the spinach (baby spinach as is, if it’s all grown up, give it a good chop.I imagine even frozen spinach could
work, but I don’t use frozen vegetables because I’m not a heathen).When the spinach has wilted a bit (two
minutes, let’s say), turn off the heat, and ladle a portion out into a bowl or
plate (if you have brown rice or wheat berries, put that in the bowl first),
and sprinkle some cheese on top, letting the scramble’s heat melt it.I prefer to sprinkle the cheese every
time I serve it, rather than putting into the mother lode of the dish.
If you didn’t use a chile, some good hot sauce is another
nice way to give the dish a kick.
Stay tuned to
find out why a wedding photographer makes more in one day than I do in a month
of directing work, why the rebel angels attempted a coup d’etat against God in
Heaven.
Until then – happy holidays from Awful Goodness.
[MB1]COOKING
TIP:
Always get your skillet or pan or pot or Dutch hot before
adding the oil.Just trust me here: hot is
better, because the point of the oil is to act as a conduit for the heat, and if there's no heat, the oil just gets absorbed and then you'll have to put more oil in the dish and the dish will be well, oily. To ensure the skillet or pot is sufficiently hot, I like to lick my finger
and super-quickly run it over the surface of the skillet.If it sizzles and I almost burn myself,
I know it’s hot enough.Unless
you’re cooking with meat, you don’t want the oil smoking, just glistening in
that beautiful way oil does, like a scrying pool or magic mirror.Yes, I played Dungeons and Dragons as a
child.
[MB2]COOKING
TIP:
Most of a chile’s kick comes from its seeds, which carry the oil that
gives its heat.Removing the seeds
is a great way to tame the hotter chiles, but when you’re working with the
super-hot ones, like serranos, I’d recommend wearing gloves.As I said in my first post,I
have accidentally touched my eyes or nose or other parts after working with
them bare, and the searing sensation as the oil penetrates your orifice is
anything but pleasant.
[MB3]COOKING
TIP:
Don’t wash mushrooms – they’re already incredibly high in water
content.To clean them, just
lightly run a paper towel over their head to remove any dirt.It’s just dirt, after all.On average, you eat three pounds of
dirt a year, so a little more ain’t gonna kill you.
I encourage the readers to watch all eight minutes of the movie (video box at the top of this blog, or click here) - it's quite enjoyable, for the most part. Here's the synopsis: David Oyelowo and Timothy Spall are in a saloon, arm-wrestling. It looks like David Oyelowo (younger, stronger) is going to win, but then that rascal Timothy Spall kisses his opponent (on the lips, no less!), distracting him and giving Timothy Spall the edge he needs to win.
